“Holding on to grudges makes you bitter, forgiveness makes you peaceful and sets you free.”

To let go of grudges, is to forgive. The concept of forgiveness is commonly found in all religious and spiritual teachings. It is not just a word, but it is also a deed to yourself. It frees you from negative emotions. Everyone has a different definition of forgiveness.Despite this, it is regularly accepted as an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. It does not mean that we are excusing the harm we experienced, or making up with the person who caused the pain, but it is choosing to find peace, despite it all.

Forgiving others and forgiving yourself will help you form healthier relationships, improve self-esteem and improve physical and mental well-being by accepting some harsh facts and realising that no one is perfect. Whereas, when you hold on to grudges, it only increases chances of being negative and critical at the conscious and subconscious level. So, how do we let go of grudges and forgive?

  • Forgiveness begins with acceptance of what happened.
  • Forgiveness begins with the realisation that no one is perfect.
  • Forgiveness begins with deciding to learn from their mistakes.
  • Forgiveness may not happen overnight; it is a gradual process and sometimes you may need expert help.

Steps towards forgiveness

  • Recognise: Spend time with yourself to reflect on the issue and understand your triggers.
  • Intensity: Understand the severity and intensity of the pain you experienced.
  • Journalling: Write down all your negative thoughts and emotions. This is one of the helpful ways to vent. If the severity is intense and journaling is causing recurring stress or anxiety, you should seek expert guidance.
  • Acknowledge: Avoid denial and acknowledge your emotions and how they have been controlling your decisions and life.


The second integral component is resilience, which can help you overcome grudges.

Steps to building resilience

  • Assess: Spend time with yourself to reflect on the issue and understand your triggers.
  • Probe yourself: Interrogate yourself as to how is this affecting you, what is in your control, how long would you let it affect you, and what are you losing thinking of this situation.
  • Take action to heal: Reflect on your grudge and remember there are positives to every negative situation. It gives you a chance to get your learning experience and walk out more positively.


Remember, the control of happiness is within us. The more we hold on to grudges, the more we move backwards and that lengthens the journey towards better living. So, let go for your well-being.

If you or someone you know are experiencing trouble with holding on to or letting go of grudges, please feel free to talk it out with our in-house counsellors, Ms. Harshali Kotekar (hr2@executiveship.com) and Ms. Glenda D’Silva (welfare2@samundra.com).