Shifting the focus away from the internal to external, it’s not always about ‘US’ but also about others and how their expression of hard times affects the listener or supporter.

Let’s say one of your close buddy / teammates is an emotionally sensitive person and every small thing affects them. Sometimes they may have an emotional response to a person or situation which is over the top, or maybe they are someone who makes a simple situation bigger than it is when sharing their disappointments or expectations about it.

They may be someone who gets aggressively hyper and vulnerable, overreacting to everything that is against their plan or liking. They might yell, scream to ensure that their points make sense, and every other person has invalid opinions or are plotting agai

At some point you might feel like they are playing the ‘victim card’. Being a constant listener and supporter to people like that, you might start to reach the stage where you think:

  • How does it make you feel having them around?
  • How quickly do you feel irritated or stressed?
  • How often does the thought of “for a change please say something good” cross your mind?
  • How often do you feel that there is no point in talking to them?
  • How quickly and often do you feel emotionally drained out?

Time and time again dealing with a close-knit person or teammate who exhibits overly emotional or vulnerable responses can you taking on their emotions especially if they are an influential figure, and that, in itself, can be stressful and disturbing. It often happens in some cases when the listener or supporter starts showing the same emotional responses. If not, the listener or supporter might also start withdrawing or getting irritated in their presence. In either case, it is causing distress to the listener or supporter.

This is why before reaching that stage of exasperation, know your limits and how to deal with a person showing vulnerable response patterns:

  • Understand their triggers and response patterns.
  • Reflect on how it is impacting you and change your response patterns over time.
  • Learn to ask relevant questions and repeat the same set of questions to help them understand that they are being ‘problem-focused’, ‘excessively self-critical’ or simply ‘playing the victim card’.
  • Discuss their patterns with solid examples and stay firm with your message to not allow them to activate their defensive mode.
  • Set boundaries with them, tell them you are willing to help, be a support and listening ear. But they should also be open to solutions and resolving the problem by making desired change in their way of processing information


If they approach you with the same issues, follow-up from the last discussion. Review the changes in behavior and the outcomes achieved for that problem. If you notice that they didn’t take any actions as discussed, be firm with them to follow the last discussed change

If you feel that you have less influence over the person or the person holds authority over you, you may politely set some boundaries through verbal and non-verbal expressions. One may remind them subtly again and again how they are just problem-focused, excessively self-critical, or unknowingly playing the victim card.

More importantly, if you feel that being a listener and supporter to them is at the expense of your own mental health; that is when you should prioritise yourself and seek the guidance of a mental health professional.

In the next issue, continuing along the theme of managing negative emotional responses, we will delve into managing fear.

If you have any doubts or queries, please do not hesitate to seek professional advice from our in-house counsellor, Ms. Harshali Kotekar.