I recall talking to a cadet a few years ago. He was going through a breakup, which caused him anxiety. His stress of dealing with heartbreak and finding a balance with family and spouse reflects on a very real struggle for men.

For this cadet, it was difficult for him to cope with his tumultuous emotions and anxiety as he went through his breakup. While he was able to put up a happy front when he was with others—a conditioned reaction for men which was influenced by society—on the inside, he was struggling to move on.

When we spoke, I suggested that he try to find a suitable support system within his peers, but the immediate answer he gave was: “Ma’am, instead of showing empathy, they will make fun of my situation and in no time, everyone will know on the campus. It is best for me to keep my mouth shut than share with my friends. I can’t trust anyone to be confidential.”

In another instance, a cadet on board was going through tough times. When he tried to share this with his co-workers, he found that he quickly became the subject of ridicule. He was told to man up and stop being a crybaby.

In yet another instance, a junior officer, who was going through severe anxiety and needed to consult a company doctor, was extremely reluctant to do so. This was because he was worried as to what his fellow co-workers would say if he asked for help regarding mental health matters. In one discussion he expressed he felt that men are supposed to be strong and practical. He felt that speaking up about his mental health would only make him look weak, and that in turn would affect his chances of becoming a good senior officer.

Inhibitions, fears, signs of weakness, inadequate subject awareness, etc., not only stop us from being able to reflect from within in an honest way, but it further stops us from being kind and compassionate towards ourselves too. When we are unable to offer goodness to ourselves how can we expect ourselves to extend support and empathy to others when they need it?

  • Be there for others morally, emotionally, logically. We should not shy away from asking for the same when we need it—especially from our own tribe
  • Learn to maintain confidentiality when something is shared with you and not use the same against the person or manipulate their vulnerable moments to your advantage
  • Take onto yourself the ability to be in tune with your tribe’s emotional expressions. Allow them to be vulnerable and extend emotional support
  • Be able to reflect through your emotions in different situations and how they impact you, as it further helps you to respond well to others


Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware, emotionally available and well regulated. They are also socially aware and good at maintaining relationships with everyone. While they are pragmatic and productivity-focused, they can respond well in times of need to their tribe irrespective of their age, positions and status. Emotionally intelligent people listen to understand and see things from their co-worker’s perspective which helps them to bond well.

In positive experiences, top senior officers have not only recommended cadets to ask for support from company psychologists but have also extended care and affection to help their team members recover well and finish contracts. They have been attentive to their people by creating a personal bond with each one.

According to research by organisational psychologist Tasha Eurich, she says 95 percent of people think they are self-aware, but only 10 to 15 percent actually are, and that can pose problems. Working with colleagues who are not self-aware can cut a team’s success in half and lead to increased stress and decreased motivation.

Research by EQ provider TalentSmart shows that emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of performance, further illustrating why emotional intelligence is important. Employees with high emotional intelligence are more likely to stay calm under pressure, resolve conflict effectively, and respond to co-workers with empathy.

With our in-house counsellors, Ms. Harshali Kotekar (hr2@executiveship.com) and Ms. Glenda D’Silva (welfare2@samundra.com), rest assured that all conversations remain confidential. They are here to listen to your thoughts and feelings without judgement, so please feel free to schedule a chat with them.