Smooth Sailing- Effective strategies for managing High Conflict People on board

The harmonious environment on-board can be maintained when the values of empathising with each other can be inculcated. Non-manipulative and non-toxic attitude promote belongingness and comfort, leading to better outcomes at the workplace. Through our previous articles, we have understood how the traits of a High-conflict personality create stress, toxicity, and tension among those who are working alongside this personality. The challenge encountered by people around, over a period, can affect the interpersonal dynamics on board, too.

The characteristics of playing the victim card, the nature of blaming, and manipulation also influence the self-esteem of colleagues on board. As in the first article, we saw how the CO had a hard time dealing with the changing behaviour of the Master, and that also made him feel uneasy. We also got an over about how the repetitive pattern of negative behaviour affects relationships as they are highly emotionally dysregulated, exhibit an all-or-nothing attitude, which highlights their cognitive distortion and their defence mechanism of projection and denial. Lastly, the previous article helped us get a wider perspective on people who are having clinical conditions such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Also, those who are dealing with chronic stress and environmental factors are at high risk.

1. Prioritising your mental peace & recognising patterns

It is important to understand that the behaviour they engage isn’t personally towards you, but they have a repetitive pattern. Remind yourself it’s not about me and practice non-instigative dialogues and communication methods around them. If you feel the interaction is getting toxic, take a step back and maintain clear boundaries for yourself. Instead of making them count their flaws, rephrase what they expect and maintain timeline (not out of fear but to maintain professional discipline). Prioritise yourself and your mental peace when needed to work closely with them.

2. Clear communication

As they tend to be more into blame culture and manipulation, it is important for you to state things clearly, keeping yourself in the centre and giving the utmost priority to yourself by using ‘I’ statements. Listen actively and respond with facts. Emphasis on the collective agreement of the end outcome desired rather than their individual ideas and plans. Focus on asking open-ended questions, also avoid arguing (arguing will only complicate the matter, leading to fights), and maintain firmness in your communication- assertiveness is the key.

3. Manage your relationship with set guidelines.

Regarding the relationship with the HCP, it is important to set realistic expectations that wouldn’t start invading your personal space and time. While dealing with them, maintain clarity that you don’t expect change. Don’t divulge unhelpful information at the time. As you manage the relationship with them, set outcomes you want to achieve rather than trying to fix the relationship. Wherever you can have group discussions rather than one-on-one, to avoid manipulation and shifting blame. Seek intervention from concerned people where needed.

If you or someone you know are struggling with high conflict people, please feel free to schedule a chat with our in-house counsellors Ms. Harshali Kotekar and Ms. Glenda D’Silva. Rest assured that all information shared during sessions remain strictly confidential.