Sometimes, giving the right support can just be a simple act of concern:

  • Check in on them from time to time with prompters like, “Hey, you look down today, is everything well?”
  • Cheer them up by cracking a joke, or watching something together, or maybe going for coffee together, and more.
  • Show some empathy if they are struggling and offer to work through it together.
  • If a situation is weighing on them, let them know that you noticed that and feel that they need to ask for help/support.
  • While giving them the space and time to process, let them know that you will be around and that they can count on you.
  • Even in cases where you may not be able to offer a solution, you can let them know that you will be there in any other ways that you can help.

Can you identify which are helpful and unhelpful ways to offer support to someone?

Take the below statements for example:

1. “I am just a call away or knock on my door anytime when you feel like talking. I am there to do the best that I can.”

This is helpful because sometimes all we need is reassurance from a person that they are willing to be by our side in challenging times. There is someone who truly cares for us.

2. “I am worried that you have not been yourself, if you want to talk it out with someone or need any professional help, it is ok to seek a counsellor or therapist.”

This is helpful because advising them to talk to an expert can help them feel better by untangling their thoughts and feelings. It can help them to have a better perspective.

3. “You are making a fuss about this, I do not understand why you would give so much importance to this person.”

This is not helpful because the tone/language is dismissing and inconsiderate. Instead, try saying, “I understand that the person/situation is impacting you a lot, but do you feel that you may be overthinking and giving more importance than needed?”

4. “I always get things or situations wrong. I am such a hopeless person.”

This is not helpful because even though this is self-directed speech, negativity like these can result in breaking our confidence and self-esteem. Instead, try saying, “Since I end up making similar kind of errors, let me take help to work on the actual gap/shortcoming to improve myself.”


If you got all of the above right, great job!


Another important thing to note as a supporter is that people are unique, and we all react differently. Many people may need their space and time before they begin to open up while many by nature are out-spoken, open to asking for help, and willing to work through their challenges. While we cannot control who reacts in what way, we can try to make other people feel more at ease with us.

Body language, facial expressions and non-verbal language play a crucial role in making yourself more approachable. One of the ways you can observe how you appear is to imagine a situation in front of a mirror and watch how you present yourself.

Of course, we cannot always be at our best. For example, after a tiring day of work, you may not feel like talking to anyone around. Sometimes the smiles or quick exchanges we give can come off as half-hearted, not because you want to be unapproachable or arrogant but because you are just exhausted. You may not be in the right frame of mind or just want to take some time for yourself. During these times, just be truthful, talk it out and clear the air.

While there is no one-size-fits-all method to being a supporter, remember that empathy, patience, and genuineness are the key traits to being a supporter.

If you or someone you know are struggling with being a support for someone or finding a support, please feel free to approach our in-house counsellors, Ms. Harshali Kotekar and Ms. Glenda D’silva, for advice.