Relationships are the core of our existence whether we are born with them (kinship) or the ones we choose to strengthen as we grow (friendship). Grieving a relationship—be it with friends, romantic partners, immediate family members and relatives, or neighbors—is a real thing.
The five stages of grief are:
- Denial: This often manifests through self-talks like, “it must have been a mistake”, “it’s just a fleeting thought or feeling that caused them to react in an extreme way”, “he/she doesn’t intend on doing so and will call/talk it out soon”.
- Anger: This is the next stage when you often find yourself thinking that the other is a terrible person, using curse language, feelings of extreme guilt, and more.
- Bargaining: At this stage, you find yourself thinking that you should have worked on your behaviour or done more to adjust.
- Depression: This is where feelings of hopelessness and disinterest continue to build up, making one unable to move on and question their self-identify or self-worth.
- Acceptance: In the final stage, we can make peace within. For example, taking the scenario of a breakup, people may realise that they were simply not a right fit for one another. That they had good memories, and it was the different goals that were the issue and not one another.
The stages of grief can happen in any order and one can even revisit some stages. Grieving a loss is a personal experience for everyone and hence everyone’s response to the stages of grief will vary. However, reaching the acceptance stage requires conscious choice and effort to reconstruct your thought and concepts to move in a positive direction.
Being aware of the stages of grief and allowing yourself space to work is a must. This is because our defense mechanism kicks in when dealing with grief, it can be things like suppressing emotions and thoughts or closing oneself off to the topic and situations that brings up the memories. Instead, we should acknowledge what we have been through and learn how to cope with grief. We have to work through the pain and reconstruct our thoughts and concepts, accept our hurt and see life as a whole, forgive your own shortcoming/wrong decisions, and continue to invest and contribute in ourselves, etc.
How to Cope with Grief
To cope with grief, it is important to understand how deeply it is impacting you and the way it has changed your day-to-day functioning. Dealing with grief is tough but it is also important to set rational steps to cope with the same.
Acknowledge your pain and allow yourself space to process it. Someday, one may not feel like talking to anyone, let your well-wisher be aware that you need time of your own.
Let the emotions flow and sit with it—be it anxiety, crying spells, helplessness, feeling lost, etc. There is a fine line between allowing it to flow and getting controlled by it. So, think of it as letting the excessive thoughts and feelings flow out while retaining sense.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions. Even for those who heal well, there will be some occasion where you may get triggered and experience all or a few stages of grief.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically. Take some deliberate actions on a small scale. Your grieving process will be unique to you so you will need to work out what coping mechanism would work well for you.
We will continue on this topic in the next issue where we will talk about how grief can affect workplace performance.
Oftentimes, people confuse grief and depression. If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time and do not understand the difference between the two.
If you or someone you know find yourself in such a situation, please feel free to confide in our in-house counsellors Ms. Harshali Kotekar (hr2@executiveship.com) and Ms. Glenda D’Silva (welfare2@samundra.com). Rest assured all consultations are kept completely confidential.
