The unforgettable voyage - a letter by a Chief Officer - reads as follows:
“I have been an exceptional officer, being the youngest chief mate among my batchmates. I always did exponentially well in every walk of my life until my previous vessel. That is the voyage I can’t forget, and it still brings me goosebumps thinking of those four months of my life. I was always known to be a confident officer and an expert in my field until I came to know the Master of that vessel, who initially seemed to be the best person to deal with until I was trapped in his net of manipulations and became a victim of his frustrations.He was three times my age and a well-known personality who navigated like a pro with zero accidents and no casualties witnessed. I have never seen someone with his technical prowess and so, he was a person I looked up to and aspired to be. As we became closer with one another, he often shared about the pains of being a single father; he also shared his stories of success from being a son of a farmer to a Master Mariner. As more days passed, I started noticing changes in him. I noticed his tone of voice had changed and he started dictating my work. He also routinely ranted and complained, and I always empathised assuming he was disturbed by family concerns.
However, the worst was yet to come. It happened on a day when the vessel almost met with an incident due to the Master’s negligence. Rather than owning up to it, he bombarded me in front of all the other seafarers for something I was not responsible for—that made me question my capabilities and fuelled my self-doubt. I felt ashamed to continue my work. Still, I pressed on and dealt with him for the next two months and it was a nightmare. From that case, I realised technical skills can always be acquired but soft skills are to be consistently worked upon. After confiding in counsellors, I realised the problem was not in me but in him and the way he dealt with things.”
The above letter highlights some traits of high conflict people. They are individuals who constantly and consistently engage in arguments, manipulations, express intense emotions and a tendency towards extreme reaction with all-or nothing thinking. They have a pattern of high conflict behaviour wherein they are involved in increasing the conflict rather than reducing it.
High conflict people might look like someone who tends to exaggerate their feelings and reaction in day-to-day lives too. They become angry with little things such as if there’s extra salt in the food they might be seen grumbling, banging on the plate or the table, or being aggressively outspoken about it. They operate more on blaming principles than self-reflection. In the scenario above, we see that the master had no history of accidents or near-misses. Therefore, when the vessel almost met with an incident, he started blaming the Chief Officer.
1. Showcasing emotional volatility
High conflict people would not be able to easily deal with minor changes or minor arguments either. Rather than calming the situation, they might escalate it by being loud about it. Such behaviour disturbs the harmony among the crew.
2. Blaming culture
They may be seen dusting off responsibilities from their shoulders and throwing this baggage onto others. This behaviour tends to make the fellow seafarers feel overworked or get into a phase of self-doubt and question their expertise.
3. Either this or that there’s no maybe
High conflict people tend to operate on extremes leaving no space for compromises or understanding. They would often want things their way. In a group discussion on board, it would be difficult for them to accept the opinion of others that would be contradictory to theirs. They may even tend towards manipulation to get their way. For example, like spreading rumours, playing favourites or acting as a victim, etc. This creates a toxic environment.
In the upcoming articles, we further try to understand their personality type and how to manage them.
If you or someone you know find yourself in such a situation, please feel free to confide in our in-house counsellors Ms. Harshali Kotekar (hr2@executiveship.com) and Ms. Glenda D’Silva (welfare2@samundra.com). Rest assured all consultations are kept completely confidential.
