Overcoming awkward silences

There can be many causes for awkward silences but what is less known are the ways to deal with them.

Let us explore some ways we can manage them through an example:

You are in the middle of an important discussion with a group of people, and someone suddenly says something offensive in the heat of the moment which is directly targeted to someone present in the discussion. Everyone understands the tone and suddenly there is an uncomfortable silence in the room.

One can think of taking situational lead here and say something that can be nicely distracting and easy to absorb after the hard blow.

Depending on the circumstance and environment, you may lighten up the situation by redirecting focus back to the topic at hand. In this particular case, you could rewind to what was the last discussion before the blow up. You could even talk about a particular point that you thought was of interest to you that you would like everyone’s input in. If nothing comes to mind, you can even paraphrase what has been discussed and check in with everyone if you understood it rightly or if anyone requires any clarity.

At this stage, to take the situational lead, you can try whatever comes to mind. The point is to break the awkward silence by redirecting the focus away from the situation that had just happened, back to what was of interest to the group, to spur another conversation away from the unpleasant incident. In the above situation, it would be most effective for someone who is more extroverted and requires less time to adjust back to the group after receiving the harsh blow. In another instance, if you are dealing with someone who is more reserved and uncomfortable with settling back into the group, you can try to break the ice for them. Bring them back into the conversation consistently and patiently.

To break awkward silences, it is important to understand social cues and be in sync with the energy that the group exhibits. It is essential to realize it is not always about ourself or one person but everyone and hence, set the tone accordingly.

So, in this situation, when dealing with introverts, make them feel included by maintaining eye-contact, referring to them by their name and asking for their simple input—something they can easily muster an answer to. For example, you can check in directly with this person whether they are alright with the plan, try to read their expressions for the actual answer. If required, you can assist to verbalise their thoughts but not in a domineering way, always check in with them before making claims for them. So, the above two ways are how you can help alleviate awkward silences as a third party, but what if you are the one affected by it? Learn to take certain things with a pinch of salt and work on your comfort.

Although it would be wonderful if we were all more considerate of one another by nature but expecting everyone to be cordial and attentive to your cues are unrealistic. If everyone would appreciate and practice effective communication, it wouldn’t be the hot topic of discussion in the 21st century. So, some of the things you can do is to try and look past the situation and step up to be the one to get the discussion back on track. For those who are more reserved, excusing yourself for a small break could be helpful to you to help you recollect yourself for a while.

If you notice the trend, overcoming awkward silences requires some level of social adaptability and skills. So, in order to become better at overcoming general awkward silences, you would need to widen your social horizon.

Here are some of the things you can try out:

• Start attending short social events.
• Engage yourself with smaller groups and gradually expand your circle.
• It is not necessary to always speak, you can learn to make yourself comfortable in social events even without speaking.

It is not always your problem, there are times when people do cross the line and we just have to accept that we can’t take everything personally. Overcoming awkward silence in various possible situations is a skill to be learned with experience and conversations. So, keep trying and learn to be more comfortable with yourself to increase your own confidence.