When our goals and aims do not materialize in the right manner, there could be moments where we might begin to lose confidence and self-esteem.

This could trigger approval-seeking behaviour and start a dependency on others. Approval-seeking behaviour is the constant need to look for approval or validation of your choices and decisions.

Persistent approval-seeking behaviour can be traced back to upbringing, e.g., childhood experiences, parenting styles, any form of abuse, etc. This behavior is also evident in people with a dependent personality type. They are the people who find it challenging to make decisions without the input and presence of other people.

Approval seeking approval behavior can look like, but not limited to:

  • Change of tone to a softer one to prevent disagreement.
  • Insincere compliments to gain approvals/validations.
  • Difficulty making decisions by yourself even for simple matters.
  • Extremely concerned about other people’s perceptions.
  • Take disagreements personally as an insult.
  • Inability to say ‘NO’ or challenge others even if facts are in your favor.
  • Ask for permission when not needed.
  • Excessive apologies or frantic efforts to recenter yourself.
  • Fabricate or exaggerate life events to gain sympathy.

Approval-seeking behaviour may not be very harmful but it can definitely be unhelpful towards yourself as it places additional stress on an individual. As such, for those who do relate, there are a few ways one can introspect on it and improve upon themselves.

Traces: Think back on the events that have led to this approval-seeking behavior. Write down what happened during those events and the takeaway lessons that you had obtained from it. Identifying the root cause might aid in finding a solution.

Power of NO: It is observed in people who have approval-seeking behaviour that they tend to lack the conviction to say NO in an effort to be agreeable. But they have to learn to understand that NO is said not to hurt or disobey anyone but to be more thoughtful and focused on the goal that needs to be accomplished.

Accept Failure Gracefully: Rejections and failures are all part of life. No man on planet earth can make the right choices all the time. Sometimes, it is all about allowing you to push yourself out of your comfort zones (inhibitions & fears) and do the unexpected. It will be tough and uncertain at the beginning, but you will gradually feel more confident with time.

Detach: Detach from people who makes you feel inferior or continue to instill fear rather than confidence in you. Gathering courage and building up yourself is steady process that requires consistent work and effort. Allow yourself time to do so and surround yourself with helpful people and environment.

Seek Professional Support: In many cases, getting over non-stop approval-seeking behaviour is not easy. Consulting a professional will help to untangle complex feelings and emotions in a systematic way. It should further help to develop detailed improvement plans to see tangible outcomes.

This article is merely meant to raise awareness of complex emotional issues that one may face.

If you feel that you or anyone around you is currently going through a challenging situation, please feel free to reach out to Ms. Harshali Kotekar or Ms. Glenda Gilbert Dsilva for more helpful advice.